So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there is glitter all over my balls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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