Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
