just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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