I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize