I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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