I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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