I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
