Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
