i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
