I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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