Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
