By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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