Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
