The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
