Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
