booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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