wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm at about main and main street
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
