i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
