the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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