I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
