You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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