is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
