Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
