i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
