Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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