So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
