The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
