girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
