I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
