I didn't shave. On purpose
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
