Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
