Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
