Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
