I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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