Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
