Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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