did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
