I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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