Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
