last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
