We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
