I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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