Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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