Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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