Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
