Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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