This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
