i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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