i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
