Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
