all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.