shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.