he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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