so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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