Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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