Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need moral support for this bender
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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