I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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