Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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