I got her a Nickelback box set.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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