Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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