batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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