That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
