I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
