I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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