It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
