i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
