R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
